AKA Im going crazy or why war is hell
They say each book is a product of its time, even the dictionaries and the science works. I think the same can be said for videogames. My musings about FFX and current world events follow.
FFX hit me like a ton of bricks. I didnt know why then, but I just couldnt stop playing the game after I got it from blockbusters discount bin, to play with my kids. Yes, kids. I am way too old to be here in this forum, way too old to care about silly games. And that is the mystery Im trying to solve here.
A mom playing games ?!?!
I told this somewhere else here but I am a stay at home mom of 3, who spends 12 hours at least changing diapers, healing booboos, playing peek-a-boo, reading kids books and wiping noses. We cant afford preschool on one salary, not that I would put my kids in one. So my options would be to put them in soccer, karate, violin too expensive. Or take them around to the library and parks every day. I did it. I do it. I play with them in the yard. But on wintertime things get tough. Going out always ends up with me spending money I dont have. If you dont believe me, read about the latte factor on Yahoo today where bean counters say people would afford a lot more if they gave away their daily $3 latte. The bean counters are right, but they dont tell me how I stay 2 hours on the road with 3 kids without spending the cursed $3 on juice, milk, cookies and the like (latte ! Pu-lease!!!). The only way to keep a budget, at least for me, is to stay at home. Period. For 12 hours every day, at least, when my hubby isnt away the whole week on a business trip. . There is simply not enough of me to go around and entertain the little darlings for all this time. TV rots their brain and is soo NOT quality family time. If it was to plop them in front of TV the whole day than I shouldnt have bothered with staying at home for my kids as daycare would be infinitely better
Too fill up some of my 12 hour day I came up with video games. I play doing the driving but we all pitch in on the next steps, or on the choices. Like me and my kids were exploring Yoshis Island or Zeldas world or lately FFX Spira. We talk, we laugh, we exchange stories, we cheer. I let my kids play if they want to, but usually they dont since they are too young to play better than mom and they hate the Game Over screen. They want someone to drive for them and I have fun doing the joystick piloting, most of the time anyway.. I do the harder parts when they are entertained with finger-paints and the like so they dont get frustrated with all the reset and retry. We have fun and it is quality family time IMHO.
So back to playing FFX with my kids I got it in November of last year, after being heartbroken by my partys loss on the 2004 elections I was needing some new thing to relax and me and the kids were tired of Zelda and Yoshi (I played so much that I swear I can hear that little wehappo song even in my sleep!). I put the FFX in my playstation drive and there was Tidus signing autographs. Cool, nothing similar to Zelda or Yoshi, so far so good. Then that cool heavy metal rock and the awesome blitzball. Me and my little boy were in awe of the sport, my little girl was munching on a teething biscuit, enjoying the sights and sounds and my big girl was at school, but thought blitzball was cool and Tidus was a hunk when she got back from school and joined us.
9/11 and Sin destroying Zanarkand
Then Sin attacks. Wow! WTF ? What is going on here ? Where is that guy in red robes taking Tidus ? We were hooked! Square Enix has just done the best game start in history IMHO. What is that thing ? Why did it destroy that city ? Those poor guys down there on the stadium debris!!!
But homework and dinner interrupted our game fun and the day after wasnt as cool. Tidus was lost, the ocean scenes were kind of dark and that big octopus was a pain in the neck to beat for someone just getting used to FFX battles. But we were still hooked and got even more interested when Rikku tells Tidus: Zanarkand was destroyed 1,000 years ago. WTF ?!?!? I could just feel the sense of loss Tidus felt, like his future in a place and city he liked had been pulled out from under him. Was I remembering what I felt on 9/11 when a monstrous being blew up my version of Zanarkand ? Or was it the more recent pain of the lost 2004 election where I had naively thought the future was at stake ? I dont know, but I could just tell Tidus loss was resonating deep inside me. I was way more hooked than my kids. That night, for the first time. I stayed awake late playing the game without my kids..
A balmy tropical breeze
Besaid was so nice and sunny, warm and fresh. So was Wakka receiving Tidus. It was just what the doctor ordered for his and my ache at the loss of some place precious, of being in an entirely different world all of a sudden, after 9/11 for me and after Sin for him. We both felt great after seeing that warmth and good caring people were still there, playing ball was still there, in spite of all that violence that got us out of our peaceful world all of a sudden..
But Sin was still there
Yep, just like Tidus was not able to forget, particularly after Lulus sermon to Wakka, the violence was still there in my world, lurking in the shadows, as senseless and deadly as Sin to Spira. Tidus heard from grieving brothers, widows, orphans and parents who lost their kids to Sin. I was hearing about 1,000 plus dead, Abu Ghraib, Fallujah and other horrors, as senseless and brutal as Sin in my eyes.
Tsunami
Holidays come, we are too busy to play videogames, theres Christmas shopping, cooking, family arriving Finally some peace and quiet for me while grandma watches the kids happily. I turn on the playstation on 12/25
A peaceful tropical beach with wood huts by the sea. A mom holding her baby and watching her kids hears a noise and looks towards the ocean. A giant wave as beautiful as it was terrifying comes crashing down on Kilika. Wow! Again terrifying but oddly beautiful. Just like Tidus describes Yunas dance
Asia Tsunami Dec 26, 2004 at 00:58
The 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake was an undersea earthquake that occurred at 00:58:53 UTC (07:58:53 local time) on December 26, 2004. The earthquake generated a tsunami that was among the deadliest disasters in modern history.
Wait, I saw this happen. The giant wave, the wood huts by the sea, the mom looking at the tidal wave with no chance of avoiding it Wait, I didnt see it. No one who saw the tidal wave on 12/26 is alive to tell the story.. It was just a game!
Creepy!!! Seeing the same scene in your mind, 12 hours apart, one on the playstation, one jogged from your memory by TV talking about a real disaster. A disaster so big that moved the Earths axis a tiny bit.
Sin on the Indian Ocean ?
I think I just saw Sin on our own world. Why not ? We have war, we have hate, we have machina But how / why did so many poor and downtrodden got to be the ones to pay for the sins of us all ? How do people in the game can live with that ?!?! Ghastly. Horrible. Dark. Wouldnt people get insane if they had to witness that every 10 years ?
Iraqs spiral of death
Fallujah is just rubble. The country has been in and out of war for the past 20 years. 3/4ths of the population are orphans and widows, born and raised under war or a brief Calm. Kids are forced to carry weapons. There are not enough adults to fight. How do people in there can live with that ?!?! Ghastly. Horrible. Dark. Wouldnt I get insane if I had to witness that for 20 years ?
Iran / Iraq war killed 2 million people. Sanctions killed ½ million kids. For our protection. We did it to preserve our way of life. Our Freedom. Our future. Stop Khomeini. Stop Saddam. Stop Bin Laden.
But I cant help but wonder if I will be able to go to heaven after inadvertently being a tiny part of a massacre of 2.5 million people that was done partly in my name, to preserve my way of life. If I gave up my daily cup of coffee, could I have gotten 1 or 2 back from the dead ? What if I recycle ?
FFX Angst
I think FFX hit me like a ton of bricks because it resonated with so many things inside me: Its dark Sin Spiral of death resonated with my own ambivalence at the Iraq War, and with war in general. Tidus loss of his peaceful and fun life in Dream Zanarkand to a violent thing destroying Zanarkand sky scrappers resonated with my feelings after 9/11. I went to sleep on the 10th in a world at peace where I felt safe. I woke up in a violence ridden world were 3,000 innocent people paid for sins of others, at the hands of a murderous monster. Yunas dedication to sacrificing herself for Spira, and her friends inability to let her go resonated with my inability to let go of the soldiers who went to war, including my nephew. Her useless sacrifice by greedy or misguided SOBs resonated with my own questioning of the way our own soldiers sacrifice was being used. To me each US soldier was Yuna and each military family felt like Rikku, Tidus, Lulu, Auron Different views about the sacrifice but a deep respect for the soldier and his choice.
The Dream of the Fayth
Somehow the thought that all those people were there trapped in that fountain to make their dream of peace on their beloved home city exist freaked me out. It was so creepy!!! Least of all because Tidus had to die for them to rest. At game end it got even creepier: Could they not see that their misguided attempt to hold on to their dream was submitting Spira to 1,000 years of pain and sorrow ? They could but there was nothing they could do against uber powerful Yu Yevon. So many resigned themselves to keep on dreaming without ever waking up. But some just couldnt do it like the little boy, Bahamuts fayth. He wanted out. He wanted to end the dream. They all did, they were so tired The peaceful Dream Zanarkand was not worth the price any longer. Yu Yevons shield Sin demanded too much misery from Spira.
The Dream of the Flytrap
Better fight them there than fight them here said Condi, Rumsfeld, Bush.. Yes. True. But the pain and sorrow that we are causing there !
A Family in Baghdad blog asks:
What is the worth of the citizen here??? An Iraqi??
To live in a place where there is no state, no law, no protection... GOD the MIGHTY is the only safety factor, for those who believe, and depend on him... I have been living my days wagering upon this fact only. Not on a government, nor an army, nor police, they were all in a jam, and each one wants to protect himself some how... even the occupation force...is only thinking of protecting itself, and how to cut down the daily losses. What is the meaning of life without security? How could a person work, give and create, while living in a constant state of panic?
In the Institute, I sit in class, listening to the teacher, and thinking warily: will a shell fall down now, break the windows, smash the walls, kill and wound us?"
What brought them here?
Can they believe that they have ruined our lives, present, and future for uncountable years to come? Is there still among them a dreamer who thinks he loves the Iraqis, and he is here to help them??
We have an old saying here, one which we use in time of disasters bound with love... (and there is the love that kills......)
Could I not see that my countrys misguided attempt to hold on to their dream of eternal safety was submitting many to pain and sorrow ? I could but there was nothing I could do against uber powerful.. So I decided to relax and enjoy the dream But I couldnt sleep. My dreams keep turning into nightmares. Sin / Violence Incarnate / Terrorism keeps intruding in my idyllic peace. Is it truly possible to have peace and no terrorism in a global economy where 6% of the worlds population control more than 50% of the wealth ? Are we asking too high of a price for those who shield our dream ?
And this is when I realized why FFX was so powerful to me. Why I couldnt let go of the game. Why I needed Yuna to live, and Tidus to find peace and love, at last, in a brand new world who had no violence incarnate
Alas, Tidus was gone and Spira was not free of potential violence. There was this huge weapon who could destroy the entire planet, with several people trying to use it, destroy it, keep it off but still around just in case Vegnagun.. Just like the weapond we saw at Hiroshima here on Earth. A huge weapons cache of nukes who could destroy the entire planet, with several people trying to use it, destroy it, keep it off but still around just in case
But we have no Yuna on Earth. And our dreamers are still dreaming. And Sin is still killing.
And I dream of beating all those problems as easily as I beat FFX and FFX2.
I cant stop playing it on my head. On my novels. On the Playstation. It is the only place things work out. Kinda.
FFX and FFX2 are a passionate poem in honor of peace on Earth. Thank you Square Enix. Thank you with all my heart. If we keep talking about peace, in many different ways, in many different venues, perhaps someone in our Bevelle Church or New Yevon cult or Youth League, or in the madness of despair of the Den of Woe may finally listen