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Thread: [Summoner] Robin

  1. #1
    In Your Dreams James's Avatar
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    [Summoner] Robin

    - Full Name: Robin Trist
    - Title(s): N/A
    - Aliases: N/A

    - Gender: Male
    - Race: Summoner

    - Age: 20
    - Date of Birth: 1858
    - Starsign: Capricorn

    - Home: Madain Sari

    - Profession:
    - Class: Summoner
    - Weapon:
    - Trance: Gaia Soul > Alexander
    - Trance Description: A secret summon, hidden in the depths of a summoners soul. Different to each summoner, he or she calls on the power within and unleashes it. Gaia Soul calls on the summon Alexander, a male angel that unleashes an attack of rays of light. (that ok or to much?)

    - Allies: Moogles
    - Enemies:
    - Lineage:
    - Kin:

    - Appearance: Tall, blonde, blue eyes, long ish hair down the back of his neck. His horn just pops out of his hair.
    - Character Traits:Peaceful, Shy, Quiet, Calm
    - Vices: Fear, Lack of confidence
    - Motivators: Peace, Friends

    - Background/Biography:

    Robin was brought up by a woman named Iva; he knew she wasn't his mother, though she might as well have been. Robin never knew his parents, but he knew they had to be Summoners, since he was one. Iva was a human and did not know the ways of the Summoner, so Robin was been unable to learn the arts. He had been told great and wonderful stories of them from the Moogles that live in Madain Sari, but they too were not able to teach him the magical ways of the Summoners. Growing up he would spend a lot of his time looking at the painted walls with the great Eidolons on them. Sometimes he thought he could hear them, in his head calling out his name, but he never knew how to answer back.

    Iva passed away when Robin was sixteen, he had never taken a step outside of Madain Sari and was unaware of what was going on in the world, or even if there was a world to explore. He knew Madain Sari and decided he would not leave. After Iva died Robin tired to call the Eidolons to bring her back, but they did not hear his call. Instead something bad happened, Iva did come back. Robin had done something, cast some sort of spell, he had brought Iva back as a beast. The Moogles helped defeat Iva and Robin finished her off by pushing her of a cliff and in to the waters. Distraught he promised he would never try and call for the Eidolons help ever again.

  2. #2
    « Intermittent Presence » .A²'s Avatar
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    Re: [Summoner] Robin

    Thanks for getting it up so promptly. I have a few things to point out. There's nothing wrong with what you've written, but in some instances it contradicts the role I had envisaged Summoners to play within the story, though that's my fault for not having posted their background. I'd be grateful if you'd consider the following:

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Date of Birth: 1858
    - Star-sign: Capricorn
    Please include your character's D.O.B. - I've already added the year for you, but the day and month are missing - ensure these are in line with the astrological sign you chose.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Home: Madain Sari
    Madain Sari is no longer inhabited by Summoners; while some of the Genomes chose to move there, it remains largely uninhabited. It is a sacred and secluded ground visited by those rich and curious enough to reach it. Since Eiko and Dagger were the last Summoners to live at Madain Sari, there are certainly no Summoners left there now.

    In fact, Summoners are believed to be extinct throughout Gaia, (save for Eiko, who is in the winter of her life). This however, is not the case. Though few in number (with a population of maybe fifty), as identified in the geography thread, Summoners are indeed alive and well in the hidden commune of Sarista. Sealed away from the rest of the world, Sarista is where many Summoners fled to following the attack on Madain Sari by the Invincible when Dagger was just a child. Scared of future attacks on their dwindling race, these final remaining Summoners isolated themselves from the rest of the world, hiding their presence completely in this new, unknown location. They stay, to this day, undetected, though the return of the Mist has broken down their defenses, and opened Sarista back into Gaia once more. They now face the dilemma of revealing themselves, or maintaining their obscurity.


    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Profession:
    I know it wasn't listed as mandatory, but try and select a profession. It's unlikely that a twenty-year old wouldn't have at the very least, some sort of responsibility/function within a small community such as Sarista.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Weapon:
    Please stick to the weapon categories listen in the classes thread. The purpose of this field is just to specify the unique model of your character's arm.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Trance: Gaia Soul > Alexander
    - Trance Description: A secret summon, hidden in the depths of a summoners soul. Different to each summoner, he or she calls on the power within and unleashes it. Gaia Soul calls on the summon Alexander, a male angel that unleashes an attack of rays of light. (that ok or to much?)
    Alexander is already listed as an ability for Summoners, available to them under certain circumstances and only in Alexandria. I'll need you to find something else. I'd also be grateful if you could try and come up with something a little more original, without going over the top.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Allies: Moogles
    Please specify which Moogles, it's impossible for your character to know all of them.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Lineage:
    Please add this. It wasn't before, but I've decided to make it mandatory now. Sorry.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Appearance: Tall, blond, blue eyes, long ish hair down the back of his neck. His horn just pops out of his hair.
    Any chance of a little more detail? If not, you could try and find a decent image (preferably not anime-ish). Don't worry about the lack of horn, it's only a minor detail.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Character Traits:Peaceful, Shy, Quiet, Calm
    - Vices: Fear, Lack of confidence
    - Motivators: Peace, Friends
    This is all rather one-sided and not very complex. People tend to be a mixture of good and bad qualities, here you just seem to be saying the same thing over and over but in different words. Please try and avoid clichés too. Considering your characters circumstances, it's unlikely he would be so afraid of the world since he's had to look after himself. You also contradict yourself - if he's lived in isolation, how can he be motivated by friends? Furthermore, what you wrote are indeed weaknesses, but not really vices - vices are moral weaknesses/flaws - think along the lines of the seven deadly sins if you think it might help.

    QuoteOriginally Posted by Light View Post
    - Background/Biography:

    Robin was brought up by a woman named Iva; he knew she wasn't his mother, though she might as well have been. Robin never knew his parents, but he knew they had to be Summoners, since he was one. Iva was a human and did not know the ways of the Summoner, so Robin was been unable to learn the arts. He had been told great and wonderful stories of them from the Moogles that live in Madain Sari, but they too were not able to teach him the magical ways of the Summoners. Growing up he would spend a lot of his time looking at the painted walls with the great Eidolons on them. Sometimes he thought he could hear them, in his head calling out his name, but he never knew how to answer back.

    Iva passed away when Robin was sixteen, he had never taken a step outside of Madain Sari and was unaware of what was going on in the world, or even if there was a world to explore. He knew Madain Sari and decided he would not leave. After Iva died Robin tired to call the Eidolons to bring her back, but they did not hear his call. Instead something bad happened, Iva did come back. Robin had done something, cast some sort of spell, he had brought Iva back as a beast. The Moogles helped defeat Iva and Robin finished her off by pushing her of a cliff and in to the waters. Distraught he promised he would never try and call for the Eidolons help ever again.
    Please make the relevant changes to this, so that it's in accordance with the above information I revealed about the current status of the Summoners in Sarista. The necessary alterations aren't radical, but it's not possible that Robin could be raised by a human, for example. Also note that they're not "Summons", but "Eidolons". I changed this for you. Please remember to carefully proof read your work too - it's very important. There were several grammatical/spelling errors. If you're unsure, the very least you can do is perform a spell check in Word. As a writer, it's a common courtesy to your readers. Strictly speaking, you ought to first write all your RP posts in Word first.

    Thanks, I look forward to seeing what you come up with.
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